Disappointment
by Rayonea
Summary: Kasanoda isn't the only one who's disappointed the day Haruhi rejects him. Light shounen-ai.


Disclaimer: I know it's shocking, but I don't own either Ouran or the characters.

Disappointment

Tetsuya wasn't sure what to feel the day he found out the young master was in love with a guy, but he had been ready to support him anyways. All the members of the kumi had been, after all. It wasn't even a question for them, just an acceptance of what was and a determination to make sure the young master was happy. They were happy if he was happy. And if Kasanoda was smiling, Tetsuya would smile too. It had been as simple as that.

* * *

"Welcome back, Master!" the kumi boomed, as Kasanoda trudged through the gates after school that day. The excited curiosity about the young master's romantic efforts had kept everyone buzzing throughout the day. But that energy quickly dissipated with the master's distracted, half-hearted reply.

"I'm home," he muttered, before continuing his trudge towards the house. No embarrassed "UH?!" No shy cheeriness. Something was wrong.

A hush settled over the courtyard until the door had slid closed behind him. Then the whisperings started.

Instead of joining the gossip and speculations, Tetsuya hopped up the porch stairs and – leaving his broom leaning on the railing outside – followed Kasanoda into the house. He was just in time to see the red-haired boy hunker into his bedroom and shut the door. The blonde boy took a moment to remove his shoes before softly following him down the hallway. When he reached the door, he tapped gently and pushed it open just a crack.

"Waka, are you okay?" he asked tentatively. In the gloom of the unlit room he caught sight of Kasanoda sitting on his bed, staring quietly at the ceiling.

"Fine," he muttered, not bothering to look at the other boy. "Sorry for worrying you."

"Would… Would you like to talk about it?"

"No, I'm fine." Tetsuya had figured that that would be his response. The young master's attempts to keep his underlings from worrying about him were just part of his character. It was that character that Tetsuya had fallen for, that had lead him to become loyal to a different gang, and that had made him want to be friends with his young master. And, with the news about Kasanoda's love life, it had also caused him to hope for something entirely unexpected.

"I just thought that maybe it would be better to get it off your chest, Waka. Did Haruhi reject you?" Tetsuya knew he was being too bold, offering his master a confidant as well as a friend. But this time he felt that it was better for the master to have a friend than an underling. He knew from personal experience that power and status didn't make you less human.

After a few seconds of stunned silenced Tetsuya was greeted with a loud, horrified, "UH?!"

Kasanoda's infamous glare surprised the blonde haired boy and sent him backing away slightly faster than normal as he suddenly remembered his place. It was only an embarrassed reaction, he knew, but it was still intimidating. Even though he tried his best not to be scared, he was overwhelmed sometimes.

"S-Sorry, Waka! I- I didn't mean…!" He collided gently with the wall of the hallway. "I- I'll be going now!"

"Tetsuya!" The call came before he had scampered away. Nervously, hoping he hadn't really messed up this time, Tetsuya drew himself back towards his master's room.

"Yes, Waka?" He flinched in preparation for whatever was coming. Kasanoda was extremely embarrassed.

"Yeah, s… he did." The admission was a half-suffocated whisper, but it was enough to let Tetsuya relax again. A doubled sense of relief settled on the blonde haired boy as he slipped into the room, and his small hope became a little stronger. Shutting the door behind him, he went to take a seat on the floor beside the bed, near his master.

"I'm sorry. Is there anything I can do to help?" It was a bit of a feeble and useless question, but it was all he could think to offer for sympathy. Emotional situations were awkward for him. After all, he was taught that emotions made you weak, and that there was no place for such softness in a gang. But he was determined to do the best he could for the young master.

"No. It's better this way, really. It wouldn't have worked out." Kasanoda sighed and leaned back to stare at the ceiling again.

"Because you were both men?" Tetsuya felt like he was prying. It was almost awkward, almost comfortable, to be talking about emotions of all things with his master. A strange mix of weird and ordinary was dictating their conversation. Kasanoda just flushed and even deeper pink at the question.

"Ah… partially. He also has a… condition that prevents him from… stuff like that." Despite his awkwardness and general embarrassment, Tetsuya could see that his master was slowly relaxing. They were both kind of inarticulate, unable to say what they really wanted to, but somehow, they understood each other alright.

"That's too bad. He's the one missing out on how great a person you are, Waka." Tetsuya smiled and nodded. "I'm sure you'll find another nice boy who will appreciate you."

"I'm not gay!" The startled exclamation showed just how oblivious Kasanoda had been to the logical conclusion the kumi had come to about his crush on Haruhi.

"You're… not?" Tetsuya was almost as surprised as his master was. "So, you're… bisexual then?"

"No." Even as he watched the red haired boy searching desperately for a way to answer his question properly, something sank in his chest. But the slight twinge of melancholy was easy to brush away as his master continued.

"It's just… um…" Kasanoda stopped again, and then looked hard at Tetsuya, like he was a particularly difficult math problem that the young master _almost_ had an answer to. "Tetsuya, you can't tell anyone this."

Sensing the seriousness of the command, Tetsuya turned around, shifting to a kneeling position to look at his master.

"Waka, I will keep whatever secret you disclose to me until my dying breath." The grave pronouncement rang in the air, a sudden reminder of their positions in a hierarchy. But the statement was fiercely loyal, and it seemed to ease Kasanoda's mind.

"Haruhi is a girl," the boy blurted before he could doubt his decision. "She's just being forced to pretend she's a guy so that she can pay off her debt to the host club. Which – which is why you can't tell anyone."

The explanation was awkward, and silly, but it rang true.

"I see. That would is quite the predicament." Tetsuya was trying to his best to be consoling. "But don't give up too easily, Waka! I'm sure there are lots of girls who will appreciate your kindness."

The smile stayed on Tetsuya's face as they continued to talk. The conversation had lightened his master's spirits considerably, and, when Tetsuya left him a little while later, he knew that his master was in a better mood.

* * *

It wasn't until after dinner that Tetsuya got a chance to think about how he felt. The whole conversation had brought him one step closer to being a friend to Kasanoda, which made him happy. But their subject had effectively doused the small spark of hope that he had been dwelling on for the last couple of days.

He knew it had been somewhat silly, but he had had the idea that, maybe, if Kasanoda had liked men, then he could make him happy – as a lover. He knew he had fallen a little too hard and fast for the idea, though. Just like how he'd fallen for the young master. It was all too much of a romantic cliché for it to be a reality.

Besides, there was no saying that it would've worked out even if he was gay. That was all that it took to settle it in his mind. It would take a while to get over his disappointment, but he'd be fine in the end.

And, anyways, there were plenty of other things that he could do to make Ritsu Kasanoda a happy man, the same as Kasanoda made Tetsuya happy simply by being nearby. That was what he really wanted for the other boy.

He could be happy as long as his master was happy. It was that simple. And Tetsuya knew that, when his master smiled that night as they played kick the can, he would smile too. Not because he was winning, but simply because, in that moment, they would both be happy.


End file.
